Thursday, 17 April 2014

Pebbles To Boulders

Salam Alaik and bonjour mes amie :)

Hey are you ? Well there are two drafts that I haven't post yet , they still need some touch - up . But now is just a personal post to just calm my heart down and let it all out . So if you're interested to read this emotional roller coaster ride , then you may continue.

I.....Ya Allah...sejujurnya... I'm in the brink of the edge of hope. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up . I just need time to calm my feelings down and just let it all out. I need time to recover . Overthinking really makes a person insane I tell you. Pressure makes people lose their sense.  It is more easier handling a scraped knee than hormone issues. I assure you , when you get this stage , you'll be gasping for "air" . Hahahaha. There is too much to think about , to plan your future and acknowledge the path you're going to take . This is going to be one heck of a bumpy ride.

I'm eighteen this year. I have read a tweet that states :

"Study 6 years to get 5 A's, 3 years to get 8 A's, 2 years to get 9 A's and now 1 year to get 4 flat. Life just gets harder "

This is a fact , You could observe that the less the time to study , the higher the target you should achieve. Globalization changed the world into a materialistic and sci- fi it is now. People are getting ruthless and more barbaric. Don't believe me ? Read the news , keep up to date. Father kills daughter , son slaughters mother ? Allahuakhbar. The world now is old and dying and we are losing the light that guides us. We are diving into darkness . Some people are too blinded with greed and money . Some people are mistaken that "money" is a sign of "love" and with this "love" comes happiness. This is where I think the definition of love is manipulated . 

Money does bring happiness in certain situations , But let me ask you personally.....Would you buy a really expensive watch or would you just knit a sweater or a homemade card for the ones you love ? and which would you more treasure the homemade card or the watch? If it was me , I would definitely choose the card because it has "sentimental value" that money can't buy. Okay back to the topic.

Ever saw a yin yang symbol in the chinese philosophy? Let me explain a little bit. Yin - Yang are opposites , they are interdependent , they can not exist without each other . In simpler terms , they need each other, if one is missing it will not be completed. Jadi...kita kenelah beringat...sekejam- kejamnya seseorang itu , dia masih ada lagi kebaikan walaupun sekecil zarah di dalam hatinya. Nothing is impossible if you beileve in God. Unless..... Astagfirullahalazim....Ya Allah, kau tetapkanlah hati kami pada jalanmu yang benar dan kurniakanlah rahmatmu kpd kami..Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Everybody has the right to make a change , to change yourself... let alone to the world. We all can make a difference. Eventhough , how small is the change.......... Remember , a small change can make a BIG difference. Let me tell you a story, When I was in kindergarden , I could speak proficient english and through out the years I went to middle school , I downgraded . Not only my english but my Mathematics too . Untuk pengetahuan , saya memang seorang yang jenis yang sangat takut dan sangat menghormati guru - guru dan ibubapa saya. Subject yang saya paling takut is Matematik, The most I could score was 50/100.

My dad would go ballistic trying to teach me maths , time tu jam yang nombor - nombor pun susah untuk saya baca , I was that bad in Maths . Here's a funny backflash , My maths teacher , cikgu Azizul suka betul aim saya sbb saya jenis yg banyak diam dan tak bertanya kalau tak tahu , So one day , dia suruh saya pergi papan putih dan selesaikan soalan maths , and you know what happen? I got a really bad nosebleed the exact time i wanted to try to solve the question and ended up in the teacher's office with me on the sofa laying down with a nose bleed. I know, that is what a mathematic question did to me pathethic kan ? *sigh.

Not long after that , I was agitated with my mathematic mark and asked my friend , Nazar  everytime I don't understand the question. We made a deal to exchange subjects , He'll teach me maths and I'll teach him english . I wanted to score my final exam. And guess what? I improved from 50% to 85% and  got number 3rd in my class . it was a suprise to my maths teacher . Dia test lagi saya kt whiteboard sebab ingat saya meniru. He gave me a difficult one but I could solve it perfectly . And that time , I got my spirit up dan improve myself from year to year until I got into the first class "5 utarid" and maintained and scored 5 A's in my UPSR.

I got an offer to a premier school in Pasir Gudang and I accepted . SMK Dato Penggawa Timur. I was in 1 intan and involved myself in sports and music. I became the gamelan leader and was the youngest off all in my team , I got close with the seniors . I'm a friendly person once you get to know me but I still respect my seniors. Hehehe. and yet I still struggle in my mathematics and Danial Aiman , my best buddy taught me a lot , and kitaorang selalu bertanding who got the highest marks and I sat for my PMR examination. Alhamdulillah , I got 7 A's 1B. Eventhough , i didn't achieve my score but well Allah has better plans for me . I spend 3 years of my high school there being a student and had memorable memories and experiences.

Then , to make the story short , My mum got transferred and we moved to Sabah . I got and offer letter to enter a fully residential school , SM Sains Sabah. And yeah it was so wayyy different from normal school. I struggled a lot that year , trying to cope with the new enviroment and surroundings . I stayed up alone every day to study and be the best . I pushed myself to the limit . I controlled myself , eventhough yet again my worst enemy was Additional Maths , and I struggled my breathe for it during the two years of my life. My friends , batchmates and family gave me all the support i needed and it paid off. Alhamdulillah , it paid of in the end . I scored straight A's in my SPM and scored my Additional Mathematics! 

and now..I'm officially a graduate from smesh . Hehehe ,This little girl has a big journey ahead of her.

                               This was taken during 2009. Alahai skemanya..... Hahahaha

  And this is her now.... recent, taken in 2014. 

 Grown to a fine young lady.. Nasir's Eldest Daughter.

And now from what I heard that Asasi ... is tough, let alone A level has a more higher level. I've gotta score this . Hahaha , padahal I haven't enter any undergraduate programme yet .If i didn't decide to keep on moving when I had no hope of success during my school years, I wouldn't be standing where I am now . So , don't ever give up. I'm going to keep the spirit up , The spirit of learning! Life long learning , InsyaAllah....I haven't had any iv's yet for now and I'm envy for those who get, Let's compete healthily. Hehe , Good luck my friends and All the best ! Allah has better plans for me and others that are not selected yet. Allah would never give us harships that he knew we couldn't bear. You can go through this, we just need a helping hand.

إلى الأمام نصف الإيمان
Sabar itu separuh dari iman 
Stay safe, stay healthy , stay connected
Jumpa lagi , terima kasih sebab membaca , come visit again , there'll be more to come .


  1. Allah has planned well ,dear ;)
    Dont worry about tomorrow's, but today's.

  2. True, thank you atul for the support :)